I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
