ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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