So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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