I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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