when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
