she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
