My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
