dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
