There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
