I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
