So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
