hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We are two peas in an std pod
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also, beer. Big fan.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
