Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
