she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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