That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This baby is an asshole
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
