whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
