Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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