never play flip cup with pint glasses
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
