No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You're earring is so big in my mouth
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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