Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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