If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
