the day after is always just damage control
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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