so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
