Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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