i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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