I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I want to have your abortion
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
