i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
