I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
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By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
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Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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