why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
