Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
