my vag is so smooth its legendary
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
