So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
