if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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