so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize