They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
