Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
