I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
