So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
