I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
