So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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