Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
