batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
