she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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