Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
