if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
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Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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