I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
