am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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