Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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