I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
