Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
