In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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