The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
