Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
