there's paper in my vomit.
vagina is talking i cant
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
