i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
