Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
