you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
