K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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