My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
