i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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