i jhust puked up my retainher.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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