he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
