he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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