You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You're like the curious george of whores
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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