none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
