woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
